I’m a huge fan of brunch. I love eggs and bacon and sausage. And while I personally feel that burgers are the only thing on this planet that is not always made better by adding bacon, I do feel that brunch is universally made better by adding hamburgers. I’m somewhat convinced that this is a product of my midwestern upbringing. Many a childhood meal consisted of little more than two fried eggs and a frozen beef patty in a pan. Then again, maybe my mother is the sole source of my obsession with meat. Something like that.

This morning I ventured to Swingers, a trendy diner chain in Los Angeles, where I was met with a bevy of fascinating options on their menu. One whole page is dedicated to breakfast (as it should be), but only three burgers were to be found on the sandwich side: a classic California burger, a turkey burger, and an old-fashioned patty melt. Not really feeling the eggs and bacon vibe at that particular moment, I opted for some ground goodness.

But I got to thinking, is the patty melt really a hamburger? A classic patty melt is served on rye bread with fried onions and cheese. Surely the bread substitution doesn’t disqualify it as a hamburger, right? After all, if I had a pound of ground beef, but no bun, you better believe I’d slap it on a couple slices of sandwich loaf before I turned it into Hamburger Helper. And what about the specificity of the toppings? Does it qualify as a wholly separate entity, a sandwich of its own? It does have its own name, after all. Even the name suggests it is a melt, and not a hamburger.

Well, I for one don’t really care, so long as it’s delicious. And for my money, there are few things as wonderful at brunchtime than a patty melt. It’s dinerlicious, it’s greasy, it’s cheap, it’s like a hamburger, but maybe not. In my book it’s good, and that’s all that matters.

This particular patty melt was cooked exactly how I asked, medium rare, despite its thinness, and that is no small feat. The fries are fresh (I love when I can taste the oil it’s been cooked in, rather than the previous 6 batches worth of burnt bits). The onions were sauteed perfectly, not burned, and not overpowering. And the Swiss cheese was not as mild as typical Swiss, making for a really great added dash of tanginess. It was a solid sandwich, a little overpriced at $8.50, but not so bad when you consider how good it tasted.

Just for fun, a little poll, which you can answer in the comments: is the patty melt a hamburger, yes or no?

1. Hamburgers are the perfect finger food.

Sure, you can mess around with a fork and knife if you’d like, but for food on the go, there really is no substitute for a burger. One could even argue that the entire fast food concept owes its entire being to the portability of a hamburger. Meataphiles will tell you, of course, that the buns are little more than prosthetic edible hands. OK, that actually sounds kind of gross.

2. Hamburgers are fully customizable.

While I tend to be a purist when it comes to burger toppings (I prefer a good slice of cheese and some ketchup), there is no doubt that the burger is one of the most personal food items imaginable. In this age of customization – the Me Generation is in full effect – how could one resist piling a stack of lettuce and Stilton and sun dried tomatoes and umami ketchup and….. I digress. Several of the big players in the LA burger scene have built their entire business on the customizability of burgers, most notably The Counter and 25 Degrees. The Counter claims to have 312,120+ different topping combinations on their menu. And fast food chains like Five Guys have extraordinarily customizable sandwiches as well. Even those silly vegetarians were so jealous they made their own version.

3. You can get a hamburger anywhere in the world.

While every country has their own variation on the classic hamburger, the core idea is still bun-meat-bun. And while the intricacies of this have been discussed at length in the popular media, there’s no denying that you can get a hamburger in every corner of the globe.

4. Waste not, want not.

Ground beef was originally invented in order to utilize the less desirable pieces of the cow. Today that’s not necessarily true (usually the offal is prohibited by the FDA from being included), but the ideas are still there. The best burgers, IMHO, come from ground chuck, a cut you probably wouldn’t want to make a steak out of.

5. Burgers are healthy!

You don’t need to take my word for it, but there are much worse foods you could eat than a hamburger. Red meat might be high in saturated fats and cholesterol, but it is also rich in iron, phosphorus, and vitamin B12. The bun provides a good balance of carbohydrates, and if you add some veggies on the top you’ll get more vitamins, fiber, and an all-around balanced meal. If done right, a burger can provide you with several servings of everything on the food pyramid!