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5 Reasons the Hamburger is the Greatest Creation Ever Conceived by Man

By revrev // // May 28th, 2009 // Miscellany

It really should not be any surprise that us Hambur.grlrs melt into a pool of twitching, salivating flesh at the sight of a ground beef patty between two delicate buns. But in fact, we see the humble hamburger as much more than something to be devoured. Here are five reasons why a burger is the greatest invention of the human mind.

1. Hamburgers are the perfect finger food.

Sure, you can mess around with a fork and knife if you’d like, but for food on the go, there really is no substitute for a burger. One could even argue that the entire fast food concept owes its entire being to the portability of a hamburger. Meataphiles will tell you, of course, that the buns are little more than prosthetic edible hands. OK, that actually sounds kind of gross.

2. Hamburgers are fully customizable.

While I tend to be a purist when it comes to burger toppings (I prefer a good slice of cheese and some ketchup), there is no doubt that the burger is one of the most personal food items imaginable. In this age of customization – the Me Generation is in full effect – how could one resist piling a stack of lettuce and Stilton and sun dried tomatoes and umami ketchup and….. I digress. Several of the big players in the LA burger scene have built their entire business on the customizability of burgers, most notably The Counter and 25 Degrees. The Counter claims to have 312,120+ different topping combinations on their menu. And fast food chains like Five Guys have extraordinarily customizable sandwiches as well. Even those silly vegetarians were so jealous they made their own version.

3. You can get a hamburger anywhere in the world.

While every country has their own variation on the classic hamburger, the core idea is still bun-meat-bun. And while the intricacies of this have been discussed at length in the popular media, there’s no denying that you can get a hamburger in every corner of the globe.

4. Waste not, want not.

Ground beef was originally invented in order to utilize the less desirable pieces of the cow. Today that’s not necessarily true (usually the offal is prohibited by the FDA from being included), but the ideas are still there. The best burgers, IMHO, come from ground chuck, a cut you probably wouldn’t want to make a steak out of.

5. Burgers are healthy!

You don’t need to take my word for it, but there are much worse foods you could eat than a hamburger. Red meat might be high in saturated fats and cholesterol, but it is also rich in iron, phosphorus, and vitamin B12. The bun provides a good balance of carbohydrates, and if you add some veggies on the top you’ll get more vitamins, fiber, and an all-around balanced meal. If done right, a burger can provide you with several servings of everything on the food pyramid!